UNWRITTEN ESSAYS

by Jim Daniels


On a scale of one to ten, rate your No. 2 pencil.

Is the calm after the storm
any better than the calm before the storm?
If someone shows you the ropes
is it morally acceptable to then tie them up?
If all roads lead to Rome, why do we have u-turns?
How far can the cart go before the horse?
If a tree falls, can we still face the music?
If a tree falls on one hand clapping
is it curtains for all of us?
If you keep your eye on the ball
can you still touch all the bases?
Would you really rather have a Buick
or go blind, crippled and crazy?
Does the early goose get the gander? If so
how long can the gander gander? If so
how much dander can the gander stand?
How do you solve a problem like Maria?
How low can you go after you have your cake
and eat it too? Which is happier, a lark or a clam?
If a rabbi, priest, and minister are all as blind as a bat
then who’s holier than thou? Who’s caught holding
the bag? Who’s watching the pot?
Who screams for ice cream? Is a bird in the hand
worth as much as the tie that binds? Should you buy that
hook, line, or sinker, or take a picture
of the one who got away?

For mature audiences: If you are shit out of luck
does your shit stink? Do you know it from Shinola?

Solve for X: If cold hands=warm heart,
then warm hands=X.

Trick question: Is the grass greener than the sands of time
on the sunny side of the street?

Bonus question: When the fat lady sings
is it all over but the crying over spilt milk?

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