by Catfish McDaris
Jesus was born a twelve pound baby, on Route 66, almost killing his mother. His parents were proud of him, except for his size. He gobbled baby food like a starving goat. His mother tried to burp him, but he cut loose with some strong stinky loud farts. His father, Jesus Senior was a large construction worker, he laid bricks and could build just about anything. When his mom gave the baby to him, he patted him on the back and the stench damn near choked the old man. His dad started calling him Fart Baby. Sometimes appropriate nicknames stick for life. They would go grocery shopping and if anyone bothered them or was rude, they’d aim Fart Baby’s little lethal ass at them and he’d fire away like a cannon. Jesus Junior curled eyebrows, made strong men want to puke, made women scream, and made people scatter. His parents took Fart Baby to the doctor, he said he’ll probably grow out of it. That never happened, he just got worse.