No Blindfold No Cigarette

by Catfish McDaris


Vacation in Mexico with my lady
was pleasant except for constipation
everybody spoke of Montezuma’s
revenge, it was all the opposite for me

After I insisted on staying in hotel,
so I’d have my own toilet to avoid
embarrassment my bowels didn’t
cooperate for five torturous days

At a fancy family dinner of my lady’s
family my stomach was growling like
two aardvarks having sex, I made it to
the occupied bathroom, sweat pouring

From me as I clutched the wall, finally
when I got on the toilet, it felt like a
telephone pole crawled out of my sore
ass, that huge log was amazingly scary

I tried to flush it but the damn thing just
swam around a bit and grinned at me, I
needed something to chop it up, pulling
the lid to the tank, there was brick inside

To conserve water, I smashed the monster
into a mash potato consistency, reflushed,
that shit was sticking to the bowl like cement

Finally I just gave up and faced the family,
my beautiful niece started screaming at her
discovery, I felt like Davy Crockett at the Alamo.

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